Happier Grey Podcast with Lara Mellor

Helen: Hello and thanks for joining me, Helen Johnson, for the Happier Grey podcast. I'm pro-ageing and love my grey hair, but I know it can be quite intimidating to take the plunge, so each week I'll be chatting to other women who've chosen to embrace the grey in the hope of inspiring and supporting you, whether you already have silver hair, in the process of going grey, or just considering ditching the dye.

Today, I'm joined by Lara Mellor. She's a Microsoft trainer providing consultancy and training in Excel, Power BI, Project, and all of the other mainstream Microsoft packages. Hello, Lara. How are you?

Lara: Hi there, I'm fine, thank you, Helen.

Helen: I know it's unusual today. It's a nice sunny day in the North East. 

Lara: It's beautiful, isn't it, and really quite mild for October as well.

Helen: Yeah. Mad after the wind last night.

Lara: Oh yeah, very.

Helen: I'm going to start by asking you what your hair was like when you were a child?

Lara: It's always been a mousy, nondescript sort of colour. I used to have it just beyond shoulder length, straight, tied up quite a lot. So yeah, nothing special as far as I was concerned, to be honest. 

And I've always had a central parting. Well, not a central, a slightly off-centre parting. If I try and part it anywhere else, it won't part.

Helen: Did you experiment with dyeing it when you were in your teens or your twenties?

Lara: I didn't. The only time I've actually dyed it was, I won a competition and part of the competition win was to have highlights put in. And so, I had highlights put in, and then they grew out, and I never did any dyeing of my hair at all after that. So, or before.

Helen: And how old were you when you had them?

Lara: Oh gosh, now you're asking. I must have been about 27, 28, certainly late 20s, early 30s, that sort of age.

Helen: I'm fascinated because if you weren't really interested in having your hair coloured, why did you enter the competition?

Lara: The competition had other bits to it as well. So, it had, the opportunity to have massages and facials. That was a bit I was more interested in. That's far more me.

Helen: And the highlights were just, incidental?

Lara: Incidental. Yeah.

Helen: When did you notice your first grey hairs?

Lara: I honestly can't remember. I think I always thought that my hair wasn't going grey, it was just getting a bit blonder in the sun. So I never actually sort of had any conscious, knowledge of the first grey coming in.

Helen: Okay. So obviously it then didn't have any great impact on you?

Lara: Absolutely nothing, no.

Helen: You can't remember how old you were?

Lara: No, not really, because as I said, I didn't really even notice it. And because my hair is quite a mousy colour, and it actually goes quite a lot fairer in the summer anyway. And I spent a lot of time outside. It just went a bit blonder in the summer. which is what I thought it was doing, and then a bit less blonde in the winter. But yeah, there are definitely significant streaks of grey in there now, but yeah, I'm really not sure.

Helen: Which is quite unusual. Cause most women that I speak to it's quite significant when they start noticing it.

Lara: I'm obviously, not that conscious about it, so I'm really not that self-conscious about stuff, so.

Helen: Which is a good way to be. How much of your hair would you say is grey now? Is it just streaks at the front or?

Lara: It sort of streaks throughout. It's more noticeable at the front because that's what people see face on, but there are streaks of grey all the way through it. But I've still got a reasonable amount of my mousy colour, it almost just looks like it's been highlighted a bit randomly with the sun.

Helen: Mine’s is a little bit like that. Cause mine's that dark blonde mousey colour as well.

Lara: Yeah, and I think you can get away with it so much more easily than you can if you've got dark hair. I think it's far more noticeable when you do start going grey and when you get your first grey hair.

Helen: Yeah, I've had lots of people say, oh, if my hair was your colour, I'd go grey as well, but it's not. 

Lara: It's easy to say until you're in that position, isn't it?

Helen: Yeah, and how long is your hair? 

Lara: It's just long enough to still go up. I like to be able to tie it back. I do a lot of stuff outside, and the North East is quite windy. So, to be able to tie it back pretty much at all times when I'm outside if I need to, is sort of a prerequisite.

Then it gradually grows to about shoulder length now, it doesn't go much beyond that, and then gets chopped back up and then grows again.

Helen: If you only have your hair cut once a year, it must be in pretty good nick? 

Lara: Or maybe I just don't bother doing it. It's okay. It's not bad. I should get it cut a little bit more often. I have all good intentions when I get it cut, that it will be three months before I get it cut again. And then the three months goes to six, six goes to nine, and then suddenly I go, oh, I actually really ought to get it cut now.

Helen: And how often do you wash it?

Lara: Every other day normally. I feel fresher once it's been washed, but I don't blow dry it at all. I normally air dry unless it's absolutely bitter. Particularly in the summer, I go out, wait for the Northumberland wind to dry it. And by the time I get home, it's dry. And it doesn't tangle too badly, so I can get away with doing that.

Helen: But it means you're not putting any heat treatments on it.

Lara: No heat treatments on it. Unless it's freezing cold, or I'm going out in a rush and need to dry it quickly.

Helen: And do you use a special shampoo for grey hair? 

Lara: I don’t. I have eczema, so anything that I use has to be super sensitive. So, I use Aveeno shampoo, just purely because it's sensitive to skin, and sensitive to your scalp as well. That is far more important to me than a shampoo specifically for grey hair. 

Helen: I don't use a special shampoo either, but I speak to a lot of people who use like purple tinted shampoos and things. I'm always interested to see what different people do. Do you put a conditioner on it?

Lara: Not normally either. No, generally just the shampoo. 

Helen: Wow. You definitely sound like you've got very easy-going hair.

Lara: It's not too bad. I think there's a lot harder.

Helen: I'm going to ask you something slightly different then around ageing and, how you feel about where you're at in the ageing process, and whether you're at peace with it?

Lara:  Fact I'm getting older and slowing down a bit, and can't quite move and bend as much as I used to be able to is frustrating. But my biggest concern is menopausal, and the way my skin has been affected, throughout menopause. Everything else, I can cope with, I can deal with, I can accept.

But my eczema has flared quite badly over the last few years. Probably about the last four or five years and it's very, very difficult to get it fully under control. 

Helen: What are you doing around ageing and ageing well? 

Lara: I do try and still do quite a lot of sport. I've got two little dogs, so, I walk the dogs most days. That gets me out walking for an hour plus most days, which is a good baseline fitness to have.

Then the other thing I do is I row with a local coastal rowing club. It's more of a summer sport, but we do try and get out throughout winter. So tomorrow afternoon, the sea is playing ball, and we can get out on the sea tomorrow afternoon. So I'm taking a sneaky afternoon off work to go and play on the water, which is fun.

Otherwise, we're reliant on river rowing at this time of year, and then it's reliant on high tides and things like that. As the days shorten it becomes more and more difficult to actually get time that just works. So, it's a little bit hit and miss over the winter months, but I also have a rowing machine.

So, I use the rowing machine. I'm gradually trying to bring my 2-kilometre times down, cause that's our racing distance, when we race. It's gradually going in the right direction, but it's painful.

Helen: How did you get into rowing in the first place? 

Lara: So, I hadn’t rowed until I came up to the North East. And it was actually an encounter at a networking event, that I went to. And somebody who was a member of the local club, was looking for, extra income for the rowing club, to ask holiday let makers whether they might want to go and row, for a small fee.

And we've got a couple of little holiday lets. So, he said, ooh, you might be interested. I went, what about me? I actually really fancy getting out on the water, and my husband also was interested. 

We were really, really lucky. The first row that we did, we saw dolphins, we saw puffins, and we saw seals. And you never see all three of those together.

Helen: Uh huh.

Lara: And the water was flat as a pancake. It was just so beautiful.

But I love anything outdoors. And I like a challenge as well. So, I like, to race and compete and try and get better.

Helen: Yeah. 

Lara: Rather than just bobbing around in the boat, which we do also do when the weathers nice. 

Helen: I can see why you'd be instantly hooked when you describe it like that. How old were you at that time?

Lara: So, I am 53 now, so it would have been about 47, 48, something like that. I got into it not early, but a lot of members of our club, actually also do exactly the same thing. A lot of them have not rowed. Some have done the sliding seat rowing with the thin boats that they use for Oxford and Cambridge, but ours are quite wide and have a fixed seat on them.

So, some people come in that way, but a lot of us have never ever rowed until we joined the club. And then we learn, and we try and help and support each other to get better.

Helen: I think you might have mentioned to me before that you do some yoga as well?

Lara: No. I thought about it. I feel like I should. It’s one of those things, I think, as you get older, you do get a little bit more stiff, a little bit less flexible. 

I do exercises before I row. Certainly, if we're doing a hard row, a training row, just standard stretching, but yeah, yoga always feels like it's the thing I should do. It's a bit slow for me though. I've done it a little bit in the past, and I get bored.

Helen: There are lots of different types of some that are flow type Yogas, where you're moving the whole time.

Lara: Yeah, I did a Yoga, Pilates and Tai Chi mix to music. When I was probably, oh gosh, must have been early thirties. And that was more me, but the really, really slow, hold your pose for 30 seconds and then we'll do something else. Yeah. It's not my, not my bag really at all.

Helen: And I guess you live up in rural Northumberland, so your choices are limited.

Lara: Yeah. I mean, there are classes. It's surprising how much there is that goes on. I know there is a yoga class in the local village if I chose to do it, if it fits around other things that I do.

Helen: Can I ask you about nutrition?

Lara: I'd like to say I eat reasonably healthily, but I am a little bit addicted to chocolate. Most of the meals that I eat are prepared from scratch. Very few ready meals. So, I like to think that that at least counteracts it in some way.

I do take Menopausal Vitamin Supplements. And I've been advised to take iron as well because of my skin condition, high levels of iron, help your skin to heal and, work better.

I could do better. I think it's, the honest answer. I've done better in the past. I need the chocolate to go out the diet really.

Helen: No, you don't. I have chocolate as well, dark chocolate.

Lara: Oh, dark chocolate is much better for you than the light stuff. And the light stuff is so addictive. It's easy to have a bit, put it away. And then go back and have a bit more. The dark chocolate, I think, once you've had your fix, that's pretty much it. Or is it not, Helen? 

Helen: Well, that depends on the day. So, how do you find managing your weight post the menopause? Have you found any differences?

Lara: The big thing was me, I was going through menopause at the point that COVID hit.

Helen: yeah.

Lara: So I think the being at home more, having access to food all day, and going through the menopause, and not being able to go out and do my sport that I love. Cause that pretty much was knocked on the head for, a year, and of being able to have a few more drinks in the evening because I wasn't driving in the morning, all sort of amassed to be, yeah, not great.

It's stabilized now, to a point where I would like it to be half a stone to a stone lighter than I am. And that would get me down to where I was when I was sort of 25, which I would be very, very happy with. But even half a stone lighter, I would feel a lot more comfortable in myself. 

Snacking is my downfall.

Helen: It's very easy when you work from home.

Lara: It's too easy when you work from home. Cause when I work at client sites, I don't have that opportunity. I normally take my lunch with me. I have my lunch and that's it. I can't snack during the day at all, but it's, yeah, it's easier. I'll go and get a cup of tea. I'll have a packet of crisps. I'll have a bit of chocolate.

Helen: I'm going to ask you one last question then, if somebody came to you and said, I'm about going grey, what advice would you have for them?

Lara: Don't get fazed by it. It's never bothered me one little bit. I think people get hung up on the perceptions that other people will have of them, but often those perceptions are actually all in your own head. 

There’s other more important things to worry about to me in life than going grey. It's never been really on my agenda as to something I should be worried about. I'd be much more worried if my mobility went or something like that. My appearance is not the most important thing to me. It's being able to be physically active and enjoy my time being out in the outdoors, and enjoying sports, and things like that.

That is far more of an issue to me than, than going grey.

Helen: I can understand that. I hate it when I get injured and I can't run.

Lara: You're a runner. Are you Helen?

Helen: Yeah. Yeah.

Lara: So, I won’t run now. I ruptured one Achilles when I was about 30, which is solid and is fine. And then I pulled the other one, about seven or eight years ago, and it took me forever to try and stop the pain. It was a lot of physio, and I just don't want to risk doing that.

Luckily my sports are walking, which is low impact, and rowing. So even when my Achilles was pulled, rowing was absolutely fine, because it's a push rather than a heavy, hit on the ground. 

So, I would rather keep being able to carry on doing the sports that I do, than to risk running. And then I get the same problem again, and it puts me out for X amount of time. 

Helen: Yeah, that's a very sensible attitude.

Lara: It is, and cycling's all right as well. So, I need to get on my bike a bit more in the summer as well, because I do enjoy it.

Helen: I'm going to let you get on with the rest of your day and say, thank you for joining me it’s been

Lara: Thank you very much, Helen.

Helen: fascinating chatting to you.

Lara: Lovely talking to you too.

Helen: Thanks so much for joining me for this week's show. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. I'll be back again next week, but in the meantime, you can follow me on Instagram at happier.grey. Have a great week.