Happier Grey with Tanya Mann Rennick

Helen: Hello and thanks for joining me, Helen Johnson, for the Happier Grey podcast. I'm pro-ageing and love my grey hair, but I know it can be quite intimidating to take the plunge, so each week I'll be chatting to other women who've chosen to embrace the grey in the hope of inspiring and supporting you, whether you already have silver hair, in the process of going grey, or just considering ditching the dye.

Today, I'm joined by Tanya Mann Rennick. She's a speaker and coach on emotional recalibration, empowering you to develop better businesses and personal relationships. Good morning, Tanya. How are you?

Tanya: Good morning, Helen. I am very well, thank you. How are you?

Helen: I'm good too. I've been to the gym this morning, so I'm a little bit tired, but it's sunny here, so all good,

Tanya: Well, that's a nice tired, though. That's an accomplished tired, a well-earned tired.

Helen: I'm going to start by asking you, what your hair was like when you were a child?

Tanya: Oh gosh, oh, I wasn't expecting that. I like that question. Thanks, Helen. I was born with a shock of black hair, apparently it stood up all over my head and it was about an inch long, and it was shocking because it was so dark. 

But then as a little girl, I suppose my hair was always very long and chocolate brown sort of very dark. But if I went in the sunlight, you'd see, a bit of red glinting. But it was just very regular, very dark brown. Shiny, straight hair. 

And because of the fact it was long and shiny and straight, my mother always wanted me to keep it exactly that way. So that's how it had to be. It was either with a fringe or without a fringe when I was younger. 

And then I think when I was about 13, it was one of my first acts I think of independence striking. I may have been about 11, think I was yeah about 11. I chopped all my hair off. So, it was about an inch on top.

I think it was in the time when everyone was listening to Kajagoogoo. I seem to remember it was like everyone was a bit new romantic and bit different. 

I think I was trying to be a bit different, but I did not feel good with my hair like that. Let's just say that. I realized that, I like long hair. I enjoy having long hair, swingy hair. And I never feel particularly comfortable when it's not like that.

Although I've had bobs, every now and then, but then I soon tire of them and go back to long hair. And it's actually surprisingly low maintenance long hair, isn't it? You can wash and go and claim you have beach waves, or you can groom it and look quite stylish, or you can put it in a lovely ponytail, or go for fabulous braids like you do.

Helen: When did you find your first grey hair? Can you remember?

Tanya: I'm pretty sure I was in my late 20s. And I'd find one or two, and pull them out. Then into my thirties, they showed a few more, and I was by that point going quite regularly to get my hair done in the hair salon.

And I would get semi-permanent. They would say it's a glossing treatment, but really it was a cover up your grey, let's not talk about the fact that you've got some grey hairs, treatment. And I sort of kidded myself that it was that, that I wasn't slipping into camouflage, rather than enhancement.

And I did, it happened, you know, I drank the Kool Aid and I ended up going regularly, like clockwork, every three weeks to get my roots touched up. Because once you go from a semi-permanent to full on tint, because eventually they say to you that's not working, and you go to tint. 

Especially if you tint your hair to your original colour, which in my case was dark, very dark, there is such a noticeable, grin through at your temples, this regrowth. And it was really getting to me, and so I would go more often, and of course what that was doing was, applying more of this quite harsh chemical. And causing hair breakage at the temples. 

And I know so many people who, when they stopped tinting, get this lovely new bit of soft regrowth, that they didn't even realize was missing, when they were tinting. And that's an amazing discovery. 

So too are hours and hours I've saved from sitting. Not to mention inane conversations about where I'm going on my holidays, pounds and pounds and pounds spent, and peace of mind. Brilliant.

Helen: What was the catalyst for you to stop dyeing it?

Tanya: I'm a COVID baby. In truth, for a good five years, seriously, and perhaps a little bit longer than that, but certainly for five years, I had been talking to the colourist, whichever colourist it would be, about stopping tinting my hair.

[Whenever I would bring it up, they would say to me, oh, it's such a long process and you'd have to strip your hair and it might break. Leave it for another year, have a think. You know, there would be all sorts of, reasons why.

Duh. Because they were tinting my hair. And I love them all dearly. I really do. I've had great relationships with people who have coloured my hair because you get quite intimate with them, don't you? You have a lot of conversations with that person that's slapping that stuff on your head every few weeks.

But I realized that, they were obviously talking me in. Or they would suggest something like masses of highlights to cover the line. Like, as if this line is so shameful. We daren't have the line. All this talk, how did you do your grow out? 

I just stopped. I did the cold turkey thing. Yes, there is a period of time when you get this regrowth and you look like you're not looking after yourself. You look like you've let yourself go. It's a horrid look, and it happens, and you just have to ride it, and it doesn't last that long.

And you can always stick a baseball cap on or, put your hair in a ponytail. Which incidentally always looks fabulous, because you get beautiful highlights around your face. And you just go with it, knowing it will end, this too will pass. 

And perhaps, that is the journey of maturing into silver hair, and I'm sorry if that sounds ageist, because I know there are plenty of very young women who also go grey, and that's not me assuming that you have to be a certain age to own your silver hair, it's just acceptance, I suppose, of wherever you're at.

Helen: Yeah, a lot of people have said that it's kind of once you're at peace with where you're at in your ageing journey, whether they're younger or older, then they're comfortable.

Tanya: I have to say my disappointment in discovering I was not platinum. I'm not. I was convinced by looking at this regrowth, which in contrast looks so striking, that I wouldn't appear more grey, more silver. I'm still very, very salt and pepper, and I almost feel like an imposter, like, thanks for letting me in the club Silver Sisters 'cause I sometimes don't even look like I belong.

Especially if it's quite a dark room, and my hair is brushed forward. There's such a scattering, that it looks like I could have highlights. But in broad daylight, when my hair's in a ponytail, or when I've gone a bit overboard with Batiste, cause you know, that does do it, my roots will look whiter.

Helen: I kind of have a similar thing to you, but my colouring is slightly different. My natural colour is like a dark blonde, so I just look like I've got highlights a lot of the time.

Tanya: Colour shampoos, when I first started, I got very excited, it's like a new project. So, I wanted all the shampoos that went with this new project, and I've got this stuff called Finola, which was called No Orange. And No Orange is supposed to be for when you've gone a bit brassy looking as a Blonde. And you use this very blue shampoo to counteract the orange, like the purple shampoos for the silver.

Helen: Yeah.

Tanya: And I tried it, and I realized that when I looked in the mirror, I now know what I will look like as a human Smurf, because I dyed my hands blue, and most of my face. It was very temporary. It was so much fun.

I think, I'd like to be a bit more silver before I try something like a colour wash that will pick up the silver. And maybe be like, you know, pink or something like that. That looks really cool, I think.

Helen: I was speaking to someone earlier in the week and she is very salt and pepper, but when I first met her, she had a bright pink stripe in her hair.

Tanya: Did she?

Helen: Yeah, because she was like, it looks so cool against the, salt and pepper,

Tanya: Well, that's interesting because it does, you know, I'm sorry if I'm jumping ahead. But you will perhaps ask me this, does it change your style? And certainly, yes, it makes you bolder. It definitely makes you feel bold. 

Because you don't have this paranoia of feeling like you're trying to impress anybody. You're just expressing yourself. You're just doing you, and so however you want to express that is fine.

Helen: I think that's one of the things that a lot of people say is at the point they go grey, they've reached that point in their life where they're owning themselves, and being themselves.

Tanya: Yes.

Helen: And are just less worried about being judged. And that does impact them in terms of being much more confident, and wearing what they want to wear, and doing what they want to do. Without worrying so much about what everyone's going to think of them.

Tanya: Absolutely it’s totally liberating and it’s also, as well as not worrying about anybody, it’s also that you then attract the somebodies who feel your vibe. And you grow your tribe, because you're just being you, and so you will draw the people towards you who love that too. The more you you are, in all aspects of life, the easier life is.

Helen: I'm going to ask you a question about shampoo and conditioner then. Are you using a special shampoo on your hair or not?

Tanya: I am. So, I've always been a Philip Kingsley fan, who's a trichologist in Green Street, round the corner here. I started going there when I was 13 years old, because I had psoriasis in my scalp.

And, it was all across my head and very sore, very, very sore. And we now know that that's a psychosomatic condition.

But at the time, for years, probably from about the age of 7 until the age I went to Philip Kingsley at 13, I was treated with all sorts of steroids topically. 

Very unpleasant sensation of burning and nastiness. And then someone said, at the point when my head was bleeding, go to Philip Kingsley and they'll sort you out.

And it was a beautiful, natural treatment using coal tar and all these other really lovely ingredients. And they put this gunk on your scalp, and massage it in, and gently clear away the build-up, and let your head breathe. And, my scalp was cured, not after one treatment, it took a series of treatments.

And it took using their products religiously, and of course, sorting my head out, which was a much longer process. So, I can now say to you, I don't have psoriasis. I don't have that problem. Thank goodness. I don't worry about that at all, but I did enjoy using their products anyway, so I continued to.

However, I also occasionally like to really have something spoiling and indulgent, because I've saved money on having my hair tinted. And so, I like to give myself a treat in honour of that. 

And my latest acquisition, cause it was on sale at Space NK, is this beautiful shampoo called Oribe, O R I B E. And, it's this gold shampoo and conditioner, and I've bought it as a one off. And I didn't want to love it, because it's so good and I'm eking it out, but I'm enjoying it very much.

Helen: Well, your hair looks in very good condition and it isn’t it?

Tanya: Thank you. It is. It's past my waist and, I am long overdue for a haircut. Every now and then I think sod it, and I'll go and find some scissors and cut the end, and then think make an appointment. And then I don't get around to it, but it should happen soon before I can sit on it, which would just look ridiculous.

Helen: I just think it's so cool that you've gone grey and you've left your hair really long.

Tanya: Thank you so much. Thank you. I always had long hair. And I remember members of the family, and friends saying, you couldn't possibly leave your hair the way it is and have long hair because you'll just look like some weird hippie. And I just well, what's wrong with that?

I looked at Instagram and the Silver Sisters, and it's incredible if you just do Silver Sisters long hair hashtag, you will find faces, and women, with whom you identify, and they are doing it and you think, well, now that looks good. Why not? 

And, you know, every now and then I think, well, I probably will at some point cut it to shoulder length. Cause I quite like that kind of, you know, like that Parisian Jane Birkin look of that length and kind of cool and edgy. And that's also a look that I really liked. So, I could consider doing that. 

But in the meantime, I really love celebrating the fact that we can do whatever we like. We can have long hair and be grey, we can still wear bikinis, we can still have fun, you know, it's not over yet.

They used to say life begins at 40. I definitely think that 50 is the new 40, and 60 is getting right in there too. You know, we are living much healthier, much more active, much more engaged lives. If we choose to. 

There are plenty who don’t, and who are already old at that age. And have, sadly, got friends like that. You know, and I see them accepting time or seeing it a process they just have to go through. 

And I'm not saying I'm fighting it. There's no fight here. I'm not doing anything other than not really looking at my age chronologically. If I feel good, and I feel energetic, and I feel sexy, and I feel cool, then I am. It's got nothing to do with being 55. 

In fact, I just appreciate it more. I almost feel like I'm aware of the sands of time much more keenly than I've ever been. And I value it so much more. 

And because I'm fortunate enough to be still feeling really physically fit and strong and energized, I'm going to really enjoy these years now, because they're fleeting.

Helen: Mm hmm.

Tanya: And they’re wonderful. And now we’re in this beautiful age of acceptance, which you don’t get until you get to mid-life, and past. And you’ve got to be 50+ for this finally. When you finally just go, oh I don’t care about anything. I just want to have fun. I want to be happy. I want to enjoy, and get the most out of my life. Then, Game on.

Helen: I'm going to ask you a question about when you were growing your hair out, did you keep it the same length that it is now when you were growing it out?

Tanya: Well, I just left it. So, I suppose that's the answer. It was always long. At various times, I've had a fringe or the sides graduated or some layers. It either goes boob length, and down to waist length, and then up to boob length again.

It's never really changed. On the odd occasion that like I've said to you, I've bobbed it. I've just thought, oh, it looks really nice for about one week. And then I just think, why did I do that? 

In February of 2020, I remember thinking to myself, if I want to change my mind, I can. Nobody is telling me I have to just because I've sort of decided it's fine. It's absolutely fine. [00:20:00] And quite feeling quite excited by the prospect. 

And I didn't go and do anything. I didn't go and have it cut. I didn't go and change anything. I just left it. I just left it.

Helen: Okay.

Tanya: And then every now and then, I would cut the ends off.

Helen: So how many years did it take you to grow it out then?

Tanya: Well, they say, don't they? It's six inches a year. My hair's about 25, 26 inches long.

Helen: So, it must've been about four years.

Tanya: Yeah. This existing hair, even the bottom part, can't be more than four years old. It's probably about three years from root to tip.

As you get more hairs coming in, it's going to look almost like a balayage. Because you've got more grey hairs at the top, than you do at the bottom, when you've got such a time span running down your back.

You know, it's a bit like the, the rings of a tree trunk, isn't it? It's a giveaway.

Helen: I would say to them If someone came to you and said, I'm thinking about going grey, what advice would you have for them?

Tanya: I would say to them, if they were thinking about going grey, to take some time to make sure it’s their decision. And to not allow anybody to sway that decision.  Particularly partners, parents, children, best friends who all try and give you a piece of their advice, because you're on your own journey. 

And I can recall a friend, writing to me and saying, please don't do it. Please don't do it. You know, you’ll look terrible. You look so cool now. You think you’re going to be rock’n’roll. You know, how can you do this to yourself pleading. 

And I think that says more about her, and her fear of ageing than it does about me. So that's what I would advise someone, don't be sideswiped by anybody else's opinion.

As women, we very, very often tend to look for approval, and we do it subconsciously. So, take some time to meditate on what you really want, and what it means for you. Because it's so much deeper than just not tinting your hair, there’s such a psychological journey that goes with this. 

But if you do decide. Yeah, get very, very still with yourself, and be clear as to why you want to do it. And do not allow anybody to influence your decision. Own your decision.

Helen: Brilliant. Well, thanks so much for joining me. It's been fascinating talking to you. a great day.

Tanya: You’re very welcome. Thank you so much for inviting me, Helen. And hello to every silver sister out there and silver mister.

Helen: Thanks so much for joining me for this week's show. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. I'll be back again next week, but in the meantime, you can follow me on Instagram at happier.grey. Have a great week.