Happier Grey Podcast with Vikki Hone

Helen: Hello and thanks for joining me, Helen Johnson, for the Happier Grey podcast. I'm pro-ageing and love my grey hair, but I know it can be quite intimidating to take the plunge, so each week I'll be chatting to other women who've chosen to embrace the grey in the hope of inspiring and supporting you, whether you already have silver hair, in the process of going grey, or just considering ditching the dye.

Today, I'm joined by Vikki Hone. She's a plant obsessed, dopamine dressed, digital marketer, joyfully scaling ambitious e-commerce brands with Meta ads. 

Hello, Vikki. How are you?

Vikki: Hello, Helen. I am very well, thank you. Very, very excited to be here. Thank you so much for having me on.

Helen: So full disclosure for my listeners, Vikki's probably the least grey person that I've interviewed yet. She's just starting to go grey, but she's got a really interesting attitude on it, which is why I've decided to have her on the show. 

Vikki, when did you find your first grey hair? 

Vikki: Oh my gosh, I can't really remember. I think it might have been after I had my first Son. It was like early 30s, and I was genuinely so excited to find it. My greys seem to be quite shy they're hiding underneath the top layer of brown. 

I've always felt that aging is a privilege that is not afforded to all of us. None of us have a right to age. And, I've lost friends that should still be with us now, that didn't get to make it to their 40th and 50th and onwards. And I see ageing as being a real privilege.

And so, to see the greys start to come out, I just feel so proud. They are evidence to the world of my years on the planet, my dodgy experience, perhaps a little wisdom, perhaps not. 

Helen: So, they're a bit like a badge of honour for you?

Vikki: Absolutely, yeah, definitely. I embrace every one that I see. And I get very excited on certain days, because my hair is quite curly, it will do its own thing. Every day of the week. And on some days, it will fall some ways, others another. And the days when it falls and those grey streaks are showing, that's when my head is the proudest and I walk along and up, yes, check out my wisdom shining out through my head.

Helen: Your hair, as we said, is very dark. Have you had it long or short when you were a child?

Vikki: I had it all different lengths. It was always long, and then I think it was my 9th birthday, I had it cut really short. It was sort of the style at the time. It's like a boy cut kind of thing. And it was quite a shock. But I really liked it. And then grew it out from then, and it's always been quite long.

I embraced the curls during lockdown. I always used to straighten it before then. And during lockdown, it's like, I can't be bothered with this. You know, all of this faffing about. No one's going out or anything. Let me see how curly my hair really is.

Mostly because I'm quite lazy at heart, and if I can save myself half an hour in the morning, I'm always going to do that. And I think that was why I've never really dyed my hair either. Just the constant maintenance and upkeep. It's not for me. 

So yeah, I've been long. I've been short. Now I think it's kind of short, but it feels like it's growing again.

Helen: So short for you is like shoulder length.

Vikki: Yeah, yeah. Kind of. Yeah.

Helen: So, it's not mega short. It's not like a pixie cut or anything.

Vikki: No, no, no. My face is far too round to be able to pull off a pixie cut.

Helen: And I think you just said then that you've never dyed it. Have you ever been tempted? 

Vikki: Teenager, when I was at school, it was many different shades then. There was some very sunshine yellow on the horizon. There was some pink and purple. I think the last time I dyed my hair I was about 16.

I haven't bothered since because, my hair's in really good condition. It's very soft naturally, because I don't put anything on it. And, I remember the first time I dyed it when I must have been about 12, 13. And I was just so shocked at what my hair felt like. It just felt so dry. And so I was like, what's happened to my hair?

So yeah, I haven't dyed it throughout adult life.

Helen: Would you say hair is central to your identity and your image of yourself or not? 

Vikki: It makes up a very key part of it. Yes.

If I'm having a good hair day, I generally feel good all round. There are bad hair days. Mostly when the hair needs washing and I haven't got time and I can't be bothered. I'm just going to hibernate today, nobody's seeing me.

So yeah, it is a key part of my identity. I've never really considered that to be honest, but yeah. And certainly, with the grey as well, and the pride that I take in that, and the kind of impatience for it to really take over and be so much more obvious than it already is. 

Cause I see that as my stripes, you know, like my life stripes on my face. I feel the same with my wrinkles as well, bring them on. It shows that I'm still here and that I've survived whatever I've survived. Parenthood, I think, would be the greys. That's when they start coming.

Helen: Cause your children are quite young, aren't they?

Vikki: They are, yeah. Frankie's seven and Henry is ten.

Helen: Which is one of the reasons why you don't always have time to wash your hair. Cause obviously you're busy running around after children.

Vikki: I still have to do the school run as well, so there's no leisurely morning routine. It's very much like, quick, where are your shoes? Who's got the lunches? Ah! And, yeah, there's no way I've even looked at my hair at that point.

Helen: In your intro, you said you're dopamine dressed. Talk to me a little bit about your style.

Vikki: Oh, what is my style? I think it's quite colourful. I lost all of my style and identity when I had my first child. Quite bad postnatal depression. I just didn't know who I was anymore. And I look back at photos of myself and everything I wore was so dark and so just not me. It had no personality in it whatsoever.

And I think as I've come out of that. and started to rediscover myself. I love colour. I really do. And it helps that my daughter is rainbow obsessed, and my wardrobe has started to take on that rainbow feel. There's a lot of bright green, a lot of pink. Realizing that I'm not wearing anything like that today.

I've got a very dark blue jumper. It has got some colourful spots. 

Helen: It has.

Vikki: Something that makes me smile. I'm less concerned with how it looks on me, as how it makes me feel when I look at it. So, if it looks fabulous on a hanger in a store, I want to wear it. I don't tend to go around with a mirror in front of me, always looking at how I look in the clothes. 

But I will look down and see them without my head on, if you know what I mean. So, I can look down and if it's something makes me smile, then it's done its job. That's what I want to wear.

Helen: That would suggest to me that you're not really a big follower of fashion, it's more around your own personal style. 

Vikki: Yeah, absolutely. If I'm ever in fashion, it's a massive fluke. And, you know, a stopped clock is right twice a day. And I think that would probably apply to me being in fashion or not. Not something I'd follow.

Helen: Do you think your style will change as you get more grey hair in terms of the brightness of the colours that you wear, or are you thinking that you're just going to stick with where you're at?

Vikki: I think it will stick with where I am. I don't want to dye to hide any of my greys. When I'm fully grey, I may consider like rainbow highlights. Not a full head colour, but just some bits of pink and yellow and green. Cause you couldn't put that on brown hair. It wouldn't take anyway.

But when my hair is all grey, I don't want to hide the grey. The grey will be that base colour, but maybe with some flecks of pink and green. So yeah, I think the style will just get even more obscene, really.

Helen: You're planning to grow into it, rather than mute it. 

Vikki: Yeah. Mute does not exist in my vocabulary, in any sense of the word. Loud in every aspect, I think, is what I am.

Helen: I'm going to ask you another question about ageing then, in terms of ageing and health. I don't actually know how old you are. I've never asked you that. How old are you?

Vikki: I turned 40 a couple of months ago. And I was so excited. I feel like I've been waiting to be 40 for five years.

Helen: I think you've got a very unusual attitude to ageing. I'm going to say, not in a bad way, but I think most people are sort of like mortified when they hit a decade.

Vikki: See, I just don't understand that. Because to me an extra decade, that's 10 more years of experiences, 10 more years of memories, 10 more years with my family, my friends. It's such a celebration. 

It just feels like an enormous privilege to have reached 40. And yeah, I'm now in my next decade, and it just feels so exciting. The previous decade was having children, obviously I still have them, but you know, coming to terms with that parenthood, motherhood role.

And now my forties, oh my God, it just feels, so full of potential, so full of excitement and you know, what's going to happen next? I'm trying, trying, trying not to wish it away and focus too much on 50. I'll give myself at least five years in the 40s before I excitedly start counting down.

Helen: The age that you're at, obviously you will be heading into perimenopause during the next decade. Are you doing anything to prepare in terms of looking after your health and nutrition and that kind of thing? 

Vikki: I am. Well, yes, I’m not sure about nutrition. My husband is a feeder and I'm a very grateful eater. So, whatever he puts down I will eat. But I know that during perimenopause and beyond you lose a lot of strength. And I had a very, very low base to start from. If I lose any strength, I won't be able to lift up the kettle.

So, from about April, I've been working with a personal trainer at the gym twice a week weight training. And it's been amazing. It's been really, really good starting off with not being able to lift more than just the very smallest of weights, and then not being able to walk for the next week as a result of it.

To now, I look at the things that I'm doing, and the things that I'm lifting, and I'm like, oh my gosh, wow. And it just gives you such a great feeling inside as well. This decade has been definitely my fittest and my strongest, and that feels good, to really take control of that.

I definitely don't drink as much as I used to. My twenties were a bit of a blur, to be fair. And, yeah, Lockdown also was quite heavily intoxicated. So, in terms of alcohol, that's greatly reduced. Exercise massively ramped up. 

And I think as well, mental health, being so much more aware of what I need to feel good mentally. So being sure to take more time outside. To not focus so much on the little things. Not to get stressed and I think that comes with experience as well. 

You know, do you know what? This tiny thing that I'm really stressing about right now, it's probably not going to even register in six months-time. So just let it go. Trying to be more focused on that kind of thing, is definitely something I'm taking into the next decade.

Helen: I'm guessing that lots of your friends the same age as you probably are dyeing their hair.

Vikki: Yes. One friend isn't, she was grey many years before I was, but she sort of sees it slightly differently. It's more from a, I can't be bothered to go to the hairdresser kind of thing. I'd rather I wasn't brave, but I can't be bothered to do anything about it.

Helen: And have any of your friends who are dyeing their hair said anything to you about leaving yours to go grey?

Vikki: They've not. I don’t know what they think about my hair, to be honest. Nobody has ever said anything disparaging. 

But in any conversation, if anybody’s said, oh I’ve got to go, I’m going to dye my roots today or what have you. And there’s me piping up, ooh I’m embracing my greys.  I love it. They kind of keep the conversation about their hair rather than about mine.

I'm sure some of them think I'm nuts and would be like, oh my god, just get rid of it, it looks awful. But I love it, you know? I'm here for it.

Helen: I'm going to ask you one last question. If someone came to you who was dyeing their hair and said, I'm thinking about going grey, what advice would you have for them?

Vikki: Go for it! I mean, I don’t know, cause mine’s happening so gradually, I don’t know what advice I could give. Just, I would say if you ever want someone to chat to, I'm always here. I feel it's part of just owning who you are and not putting a mask on for the sake of society. 

You know, why do people feel the need to cover up who they are? I'd much rather be in a world of people who are out and proud of all aspects of them. Whether they follow fashion or not. Whether they embrace every part of them or try to hide it. 

You know, all these flippin ads that we get delivered to us as well as women, of a certain age, to quote no one exciting. All of these, skin care ads and weight loss ads and all the rest of it. Yes, definitely look after your health. Be fit, be healthy. But why should we hide the fact that we are ageing? It's something to be proud of, especially women, like all the things that we have to deal with.

From the age of 12 or whatever, you're having to deal with, monthly menstruation, which is no fun whatsoever. And all of the hormones that go up and down with that. We deal with that all the way through to perimenopause. And then we deal with that, and then we deal with all the changes that come afterwards.

So, be bloody proud that you've navigated all of that for so many years. You're still here, you're still amazing, and this is what you look like as a result the amazing life that you've had. And it's there to be seen all over you in your wrinkles, and your hair, the laughter lines. Yeah, bring it on. 

I don't think there was any advice there really.

Helen: I think from a mental perspective, it's a great place that you come from. Because you're saying, own it, ageing well, isn't about appearance. And I always think that, trying to fight the changes in your appearance is always going to be a losing battle is always going to make you feel unhappy. 

So, why not concentrate on the things that you can make a real difference to, what you're eating, exercising, friendships, connection, all of that stuff, that's really going to make you age positively. Rather than trying to look like you did when you were 25, which is only ever going to make you sad.

Vikki: No, definitely. And let's be honest, who actually wants to be 25 again? I mean, yeah, it was fun at the time, but, oh God, I wouldn't want to go and do it again. Been there, done that. Let’s move on.

Helen: Brilliant. Well, I'm going to say thanks so much for joining me then. It's been lovely chatting to you and have a good day.

Vikki: Thank you so much Helen. It's been marvellous. Thank you.

Helen: Thanks so much for joining me for this week's show. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. I'll be back again next week, but in the meantime, you can follow me on Instagram at happier.grey. Have a great week.