Happier Grey Podcast with Helen Silversparkles1965

Helen: Hello and thanks for joining me, Helen Johnson, for the Happier Grey podcast. I'm pro-ageing and love my grey hair, but I know it can be quite intimidating to take the plunge, so each week I'll be chatting to other women who've chosen to embrace the grey in the hope of inspiring and supporting you, whether you already have silver hair, in the process of going grey, or just considering ditching the dye.

Today I'm joined by Helen Silversparkles1965, who ditched the dye five years ago and is enjoying embracing midlife and aging authentically and having lots of fun along the way.

Hello, Helen. How are you? 

Helen Silversparkles1965: Hello, Helen. I'm fine, thank you. How are you? 

Helen: I'm good. I'm going to start by asking you, when did you find your first grey hair? 

Helen Silversparkles1965: I think I was around 24, 25. My daughter, who's got brown hair, found her first one the other week at 23. I think she's following after me, so I think probably 23 to 24. 

I remember pulling it out, but you can't keep doing that. About 23 I’d say. One of my daughters got dark hair, one's blonde, so obviously you notice it more in dark hair. Then I think I started on the semi-permanent colouring. 

Helen: In your 20s? 

Helen Silversparkles1965: Yeah. 

Helen: And did you then move on to permanent colours or did you just stick with the semi-permanent? 

Helen Silversparkles1965: For a long time, because I didn't have that much grey, I was semi-permanent. Then as I got to my 40s. It really increased the grey. So, it wasn't adhering enough. It wasn't covering the grey. 

So, I went to more permanent, and started having my hair coloured at the hairdressers as well. I was doing it myself before, but I found it quite awkward just doing the roots and not the rest of the hair. So, it was becoming more of a problem.

Then it was basically going to the hairdressers every four to six weeks. As I got to 50, I was having really touch ups after about. Three weeks it would show because I tie my hair back a lot to go to the gym.

You'd be really happy, you'd have your hair coloured and feel really, oh, this is lovely, you know, oh, I look so young. And then after a few weeks, I think, oh, you can see the sparkles. And that's where the name Silver Sparkles came from. I used to call them sparkles. So, it just got too much.

And then lockdown happened in 2020. And I couldn't get to the salon. Probably about 10 weeks, I just decided overnight. I'm done. I've had enough. This is it. This is me. 

It took 20 months to transition to grey, totally grey with a short bob. Now, I've grown it a little longer because it's a bit more versatile for me. It took 20 months and I couldn't be happier. 

Helen: And how did you feel during the grow out process? 

Helen Silversparkles1965: Horrible!

I felt, so unkempt, scruffy. Before I came out to see people in my road. I see a lot of people when I'm walking my dog. I'd be in bubble hats, baseball caps. I had an array of hats everywhere. 

I've still got loads and I love hats now. That's one good thing that came out of it. I'm more confident wearing a hat. Now I'm wearing a hat to protect my hair from yellowing in the sun. So, it's a different, aspect there. 

When I got to about eight months, I started to feel more confident with it. I think at first, I got the Paddington Bear stares I call them, you know nudge of the elbow or a stare of open wide eyed, because then not so many people in the UK would doing it. And I'd just like go, hmm, yeah, well, this is it. To myself, I would say that, and, try and boost my confidence.

I did feel, until about a year in, sort of highs and lows. You'd have days where you'd feel a bit low, and think, oh God. But I think you have those days anyway, even with grey hair. If it's a grey day and a dull day, it can make you feel not low, but I'm pretty happy go lucky person.

You've got to remember, and I say this on people's posts on Instagram, if they're having a little low day with the hair and they're not sure, it can be like, well you did you not have days like this before? Are you just having a bad day? Is it hormonal? There's always another reason why you're feeling like you are. It's not just about the hair. 

I think after the first year and then I went really short. I just kept having the colour cut off, and loved seeing the dyed hair on the floor of the salon. 

I suppose I was lucky in 2020. We were in lockdown in the UK. We weren't really going anywhere. I didn't have anywhere that I needed to be, worried about what I looked like. 

I tied my hair back a lot. Tried some of the other styles. I used to try and follow styles that other people did. But I'm not very good with plaiting my hair. I haven't got much patience, so it's either up in a ponytail, a bun or down. 

A lot of the time I left it to dry naturally, because I wanted my hair to feel soft, and to not feel dry like straw, to not feel over processed. That's one of the main things that I wanted. And I got that. 

Helen: Do you find it's in much better condition now than it was? 

Helen Silversparkles1965: Oh my God. A hundred percent. I mean, I had a haircut last week. I've just posted a little reel today, but basically, yeah, it does. It feels so much better.

I only used to have my hair cut about every three months. It was the colouring. The money went on the colouring. So now I'm back to my cut every three months, and if I fancy it, I'll go and have a blow dry.

If I'm going somewhere and I think, oh yeah, that'd be nice. So that's my treat. I don't spend money on anything else. I don't get my nails all done or much else, facials or anything like that. So yeah, it's the freedom and the extra money that I've saved, which allows me to do more nice things and fun things. Yeah. 

Helen: How did your friends and family react when you told them you were going to go grey? 

Helen Silversparkles1965: Oh, my mum absolutely hated it. She was my worst critic. In lockdown, she got stuck in India. And when she came back, I was quite a way in. I used to wear baseball caps. So, I didn't show her for quite a few months.

And when I did, she was like, really shocked. And you look so unkempt and she was really unkind, to cut a long story short, she within, couple of months of her seeing my hair.

And she had her hair cut by the same person. She stopped colouring her hair too. It was a real turnaround. She always had it dyed blonde, and she was 77 and a half maybe. And Now I just laugh because I've inspired her, although she hated it.

My sister's ditched the hair dye last year, she's got really short hair, it's different to me. It's just funny how you inspire people. My worst critic, it hasn't been anybody on Instagram. I see people, who mention about these awful comments. I've not had any awful comments.

At first, I had the funny stares. The awful stares. Because when you've got a few inches, it's like, oh God, she's, you know. I think now people are more accepting. 

I didn't go to my gym for a year. It was closed a lot of the time, and I did running instead. When people saw me, they were a bit shocked. And I used to wear my, I'm not colouring my hair T-shirt that I've got, making a statement. After a while they were like, I really love your hair, and I'm now getting people coming up to me.

I mean, they're all lovely. But more and more people are suddenly seeing that actually, it suits you. And when I post pictures of when I've got dark hair, I was dyeing it quite dark at one time. And when I do the transition pictures a throwback or transformation Tuesday or something, it's quite strange.

Most people have been lovely. I don't know what's happened. The last year I've been getting more comments about how lovely my hair is and, how nice it looks. When I had dyed hair. I didn't get any of those comments. 

So, I don't know what I was doing, but now I'm getting some really nice comments about my hair. It's lovely. 

Helen: Have any of your friends decided to go grey? 

Helen Silversparkles1965: When I see my school friends, one of them was always, she was a bit older than me, she always let her hair go natural. She's never dyed her hair. And then a few of the others they've hardly got any grey hair. Everybody's different. 

But what they have done is not coloured it. They've seen me, I'm not colouring my hair anymore. Why am I colouring my hair? So, they might only have a few. If you've only got a few, you don't really need to colour it. It can just be natural. 

They've suddenly said to me you've inspired me, Helen, or some of them call me Hells. So, I've inspired them and I really like that. That's what it's all about for me.

I want to set a role model for my daughters. My older one hated it when I stopped colouring my hair. And I said at the time back in 2020, I'm doing it for you. I'm doing it for your generation.

Now I'm seeing younger women in their 30s doing it. And I love it. I wish I'd done it then. Yeah, so that makes me happy. 

Helen: Are you using special shampoo and conditioner? 

Helen Silversparkles1965: I use Silvina London, because I've met Silvina and she created that. That's quite moisturizing. I don't tend to use purple shampoo very often.

A friend introduced me to Faith in Nature. So that's all about no preservatives, no parabens, no sulphates, but it's about keeping the chemicals away and being more natural, and not putting too much product into it. 

I use a Bumble and Bumble Heat Protectant Spray. I love that, that was recommended to me. I also use a Bumble and Bumble Sunday Detoxifying Shampoo every now and again. That gets any residues off your hair. It cleanses it. I quite like that. 

I love Bold Unique, the purple hair mask. You can buy this from Amazon. I ordered it yesterday and if I buy one, it usually lasts me about a year, because you only need a small amount, and I don't use it very often. I quite like that as well. I might use that maybe once a month. 

That's about it really, I try not to mess about with it too much and try lots of different products. 

Helen: How often do you wash it?

Helen Silversparkles1965: Not as much as I used to with dyed hair, so this is quite interesting.

I don't know if it's because I'm older or I don't know what's happened, but sometimes it depends what I'm doing, I have gone a week without washing my hair. But it's usually twice a week. It depends on what I'm doing week to week. 

Obviously, if I'm at the gym and I don't do cardio, so I think you get quite hot and sweaty with cardio. I just do strength and yoga and things like that. I don't get really hot, I'm not a really sweaty person. So yeah, it depends. 

If I can go sometimes a week, I love it because it just feels so nice when you wash it. But that doesn't happen very often, but usually I'd say twice a week.

Helen: I'm only asking you because I only wash mine once a week now. 

Helen Silversparkles1965: I'm like you, Helen, I'm really shocked. I'm really shocked that I can go a week. I would never have done that with my dyed hair. It would have looked awful.

Talking about products I never really used to use a dry shampoo because I used to wash my hair. The dry shampoo, they used to do one for brown hair and it used to get in your nails, you know, like the root. touch up. I found it always got under my nails. But with silver hair, with grey hair, you can just use the white, and it doesn't show. So, I do use that to freshen up in between. 

Helen: A question then about ageing, and how you're feeling about where you're at in the ageing process? 

Helen Silversparkles1965: I feel very happy and privileged. I'm 59 now, I'll be 60 this year, and I feel very lucky and privileged that I'm at this age. I feel really healthy. That's the most important thing.

I work out most days. Walk every day once to twice a day. And do different exercises: Strength training, yoga, balance. I've brought in dance into my schedule as well because there's dance class. So, I'm doing a couple of dance classes a week, which is really fun.

I think it's about keep moving, eat healthily and have a balanced life. And a positive outlook on life as well. Those are my key things really. Yeah. I'm very happy to be approaching 60, feeling as fit as well, as well as I do at the moment.

 I was always a bit hesitant about making decisions, but I feel now that I'm making the right decisions for me more quickly. I'm not hesitant so much anymore, which is nice. 

Helen: Do you know why you decided to ditch the dye? Was it just Covid, or? 

Helen Silversparkles1965: Yeah, honestly. I think there was a young girl worked in the salon that was colouring my hair, who lost her job. And I gave her a message, you know, when it was check on people around you. And she was struggling. 

I took her food parcel, and I went around to see her. Obviously, it was in the street. We weren't allowed in each other's houses. And I had a bobble hat on and she was only young, she was dyeing her hair white and pink and silver. 

And I said to her, Chloe, why am I doing this? Cause she told me which box colour to order. And she said, take your hat off. I was so embarrassed. I took my hat off in the street and she said, leave it. Don't colour it. And I went don't be ridiculous. Oh my God. No. Didn't think any more about it. 

Then a couple of nights later, a light bulb moment went off in my head, in bed. I went downstairs to get my phone and started looking on Pinterest. I wasn't on any social media things then, and just decided overnight. 

I found a couple of silver sisters, and thought how amazing they looked. Started following a Facebook group, and they were really supportive. Yeah. I just decided I woke up in the morning, blow dry my hair and just, that's it. I'm done. Just an overnight decision.

I never really thought before that I would do it. It never entered my head. I was just on that treadmill of colouring my hair. I've got to go. I've got to have my roots covered. Oh, it's showing. I'm really grateful, in a way that it happened the way it did.

Helen: You've briefly mentioned Facebook groups. Are there any that you can recommend if you’re thinking about it?

Helen Silversparkles1965: The one I loved is called Going Grey Gracefully. There are a couple out there like that. So Going Grey Gracefully, that was really supportive. I think it's got a lot of members now. I don't get so much time to go on it. I haven't posted on there for a long time, but just to support others. Yeah, it was really, really supportive and I think that helped me. 

After about 10 months, I joined Instagram and that's when I started my account. That really helped me as well, connecting with Silver Sisters, and then meeting up with a few, that was a big help. Yeah, so that's what I'm there for now is to help and support others as well.

Helen: Which is cool. Last question. What advice would you give anyone if they were thinking about going grey? 

Helen Silversparkles1965: Oh, I would say don't feel pressured to do it. Make sure it's right for you. And I would say give it a go. Leave your hair dye free for about six weeks so you can slowly see how grey you are. You might not be as grey as you think you're going to be. 

Maybe look at some Pinterest people. Look at people that have got similar eye colouring to you and skin colouring. And try it. I follow people that have done it, and then not felt happy about it. Gone back to colouring. And have now gone back and are going dye free again, and are silver or grey or whatever you call it, white, silver, grey.

All you've got to do is give it a go, but make sure that you're feeling happy with whatever you do. If it's not right for you now, it might be right for you in five years-time. So yeah, that's what I would say. Just make sure you're happy. 

Don't keep going through the process of being dye free and being really unhappy about it, because there's just no point. You might as well just colour in, or if you've got dark hair, maybe look at going lighter. That's an option, isn't it? Going blonde, I suppose, and then it doesn't show as much.

Helen: I guess the other thing to say to anyone is you are going to have bad days during the grow out. You’re not going to love it.

Helen Silversparkles1965: Oh God, 100%! Yeah, 100%!

I'm past the menopause now, but basically, especially in your 40s when you're hitting perimenopause, your moods are like this. I wish I understood more about that then. Just know that if it's not a blue-sky day and we don't have many here, especially in the UK, we got one today, because it's so cold.

But yeah, just know that it might just be today. Just wait and see how you feel tomorrow. And tomorrow's another day and you could be feeling fine. So, it's all different circumstances to make you feel the way you feel the way you feel. 

Helen: Obviously you're recommending hats. 

Helen Silversparkles1965: Lots of hats. Let's finish on hats. Yeah, absolutely. I bought one yesterday, but yeah, basically lots of hats.

In the first stages of ditching the dye, it's just to make you feel more comfortable, when you're going out and about. And then when you've ditched the dye, it's all about protecting those silvers. There's grey hair from the sunshine as well, because that will make your hair turn slightly yellow.

That's why I use the Bold Unique hair mask as well, because that, tones it down a little bit as well. It's nice. It gives a nice finish to your hair. It looks nice. 

Helen: Brilliant. I'm going to say thank you so much for joining me. You've been a really interesting guest, and enjoy the rest of your day.

Helen Silversparkles1965: And thank you for asking me, Helen. Yes. I'm about to go on another dog walk. So, I'll be wearing a hat because it's freezing. A lovely crocheted hat my friend made, that's my green one. I'll be wearing that today. And thank you, Helen. It's been really nice. 

Helen: Cheers. 

Helen Silversparkles1965: Yeah. Take care.

Helen: Thanks so much for joining me for this week's show. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. I'll be back again next week, but in the meantime, you can follow me on Instagram at happier.grey. Have a great week.