Happier Grey Podcast with Roanna Stromberg Smith

Helen: Hello, and thanks for joining me, Helen Johnson for the Happier Grey Podcast. I'm pro-ageing and love my grey hair, but I know it can be quite intimidating to take the plunge. So, each week I'll be chatting to other women who've chosen to embrace the grey in the hope of inspiring and supporting you, whether you already have silver hair in the process of going grey or just considering ditching the dye.

Today I'm joined by Roanna Stromberg Smith, an ambitious female founder, whose The RSS Brand is a bespoke Cotswold tour business, based in Gloucestershire in the Cotswolds.

Hello, Roanna. Lovely to speak to you. 

Roanna: Hi, Helen. Thank you for inviting me on. 

Helen: The first thing that I'm going to ask you is, can you remember when you found your first grey hair?   

Roanna: Oh, yes. Sort of hairline or around the side above the ear, maybe I was late 40s, I think.

Helen: And how did you feel about that when you found it? 

Roanna: It's interesting when you say grey, I think it was more of a white hair, you know, because I'm kind of blonde, and fair skinned. So how did I feel? Good question. I didn't feel devastated, actually, but, yeah, it just felt like a change. And I think with so many things with our bodies as we get older, it's just been very gradual.

It was very gradual that I found one or two and then went from there. I didn't view it as awful, but I knew something was changing.

 Helen: Did you start dyeing your hair to cover it up? 

Roanna: Yes. In terms of hair, I had, highlights with foil and then I had, you know, all over tint. That was the bit in the middle. So, it was always rather a complex hairdressing thing. Hours you're there doing all that. 

So, yes, I basically had lovely highlights with different colour foils, because I'm blonde, and then I had the roots covered as the paler stuff came through. Then that's a whole other story about the time and the cost involved.

Helen: So how many years did you have your hair highlighted and coloured for?   

Roanna: Well, I had my first very few foils and sort of lift, probably like a bleach put in, oh gosh, in my twenties to like lift my darker blonde at the front. And I loved it. 

But then probably like all the whole tint bit.

Helen: Yeah. 

Roanna: Oh gosh, that would have been, it's very difficult to know. It's not the sort of thing you record in your diary. I guess that would have been in my 40s, that I started having to put the under colour on the root as well as the foils.

I mean, I'm the sort of person that invests in my hair. I like a really good haircut. You know, I don't go to like people in their houses and mobile this. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. But I'm quite sophisticated. So, I like a salon experience. I dread to think what I've spent on it over the years. 

I've moved quite a lot with my lifestyle, and my marriage, and various things, and relationships. So, it's that thing of always moving somewhere and finding a new hairdresser. 

But I think that was in my forties doing the tinting, probably early forties. But to be honest, it's all a bit of a blur now.   

Helen: Can you remember how often you used to get it coloured? 

Roanna: Yes. Not manically. Oh my gosh, because I've got friends who go every six, seven weeks, you know, religiously because one comes through. I wasn't like that. I was more chill. 

But I should think every eight to ten weeks. If you pushed it to twelve, it was too long. Eight to ten weeks. 

Helen: And you kind of got away with it because your hair was pale anyway? 

Roanna: Yes. Yes, so I mean, when I was a little girl, I was, you know, very blondie. I mean, I've got like a Scandi side to my family. I've got blue eyes, fair skin, you know, that sort of look.

I mean, I've always liked being blonde and blue eyed. I mean, it's kind of me, I'm a sort of English rose,

Helen: And when did you decide to stop dyeing it? 

Roanna: Well, I'm 57 this year. And I think it was about 2000 and 18 or 19. So five, six years ago. And I've not had any colour on it since. it was the perfect time for me, and it felt right.

But the lead up to that was that position of like, you know, the tint and the foils, and the cost. But a big element for me, that I wanted to bring into the conversation, was that I really did not want the chemicals, on my skin, or close to my scalp.

Because probably over the last 10 years, I've really cleaned up my lifestyle, environmental factors as to what I'm letting, in me, near me, etcetera, as best I can. I mean, another example is, you know, going to natural toothpaste, for example.

I think it was when I really had the time in my forties, as my sons were growing up. And space more for myself. I started to really think about that and get really into wellness. And I thought, I really don't want this stuff near my scalp. So that was a quite a big part of it as well.

And the cost. And the time. 

I think a key part of it is having a hairdresser who will work with you, and you trust. And will understand. And we talked about it for a while. She was an Irish girl. At this point when I did this I was living in Dubai. So, I was in the Middle East with my then partner. 

I had this beautiful Irish hairdresser who was very down to earth, and she'd cut my hair for a while. She'd looked after me. She was brilliant. And then she'd done beautiful colour on my hair. 

But then we decided. And then the day we decided, or the lead up to it. She basically cut my hair very short. And then she used some colour to break it up, while we let it come through. And then when it came through, you know, it takes a while, doesn't it to sort of properly grow through, and then see what you've got. That was a year of transition.

And then we had to leave Dubai in that awful year of COVID. That's another story. We repatriated back to England. And then my hair was done, and then it was grey. And then I've gone on from there. But, you know, I'm delighted with it. I absolutely love it. 

Helen: Okay, so the actual grow-out process, you had it cut short?

Roanna: Yeah, she put bits through to sort of help soften the lines for a little while. And then I let my hair grow a bit longer because it was, you know, quite pixie short. It was a good way of doing it. I mean, I'm guessing many people do it that way. I don't know?

Helen: I think it's becoming more of a thing. I'm reading a lot more about grey blending. I think a lot of people in COVID had the hard line because couldn't get to the hairdressers.

Roanna: Maybe that was also a real influence. 

Helen: Yeah, it was definitely an influence. There was definitely a big wave of people wearing grey at that point in time. 

So how long was your hair before you decided to go grey? 

Roanna: Mid length bob. Like, funky bob. Sort of Meg Ryan in that film, the famous film, what was it called? That New York Film. Sort of funky, chunky, you know, shoulder length. Not shoulder, but above shoulder. Yeah, quite chic. 

I mean, I have had long hair. I had beautiful long straight blonde hair. But I find for me, I prefer with my lifestyle, et cetera, just that sort of more chic length. Yeah. So, a rough-cut bob, but not like a smooth, smart bob. 

The other thing I think that's helped me is I've got lots of hair and it's quite thick. So, I've got shape, and I've got a lot going on. My hair on my head hasn't gone thin with the menopause, which is lovely. I mean, my eyebrows have and my eyelashes definitely have, which is a bummer. 

But I think I've got my grandfather's hair. I mean, I remember when my grandfather died when he was 80. My dad's father. He had this shocking white hair, but such a head of hair. And do you do you remember when people used to use Brylcreem? And it was a beautiful head of hair. And I think I'm lucky I've got that. 

Because I have got a fair, few friends whose hair has gone really thin.

Helen: Yeah, yeah. Again, certainly perimenopause, menopause, a lot of people suffer from hair loss. 

Roanna: I know, I know. But we need to stay positive. Your questions are revealing because they're making me think about this. 

Helen: Do you use a special shampoo to look after your hair?

Roanna: Actually, I do. So, with that gorgeous Irish girl, what was her name? Kareena in Dubai, Kerrita, Keritta. I was using through her salon, a shampoo from Denmark called Naturalique. Which is an organic, again, no chemicals, an organic like natural shampoo for grey. And it had that like violet tinge, because obviously with my blonding, it's good to like quieten the yellow tones.

I used that and really liked it. And actually, I can't really get it now, so I'm slightly just moving. And I've just happened to have been to Denmark, for a little mini break, so I bought some other organic shampoo out there. 

I mean I spend money on good shampoo. Again, because it's what I'm putting on my skin. And I think the grey hair can be a bit coarse so it's good to have something that helps with that. 

The new brand I bought in Denmark, I can't remember the name of it, it's upstairs. But I try and buy good shampoo and conditioner. By that I mean, you know, one that's like 20 pounds. 

Helen: Yeah. How did your friends and family react when you told them you were going to go grey?

Roanna: Don't think I particularly told them in advance. I just did it. They liked it. And they thought it was cool. I sort of think I'm empowered by the grey. So yeah, everyone liked it. I can't think of any negativity. 

Helen: Good, good. 

Roanna: Yeah, actually. Now it's sort of years on, like five, six years on. The back is darker, round my hairline is lighter. I don't know why that is, but it does happen.

And my hairdresser, I mean, he just cut it on last Friday. I'm really lucky in the village I live in, Lechlade in Gloucestershire, we've got this great new hair salon. He's very experienced, but he's moved here, so he's opened a salon. 

And he says, oh my God, don't ever colour your hair again. It's such a beautiful shade, and you've got a little bit there, and it's quirky. He said, people would pay me to dye their hair your colour. So, I just feel really lucky. And I think when we've got something that's working for us, go with it. 

I mean, I'm a bit disappointed with my eyelashes going thinner, and I don't know what I'm going to do about that. 

But, it's good. I'm pleased because I think you just don't know how it's going to come through. It's definitely much darker at the back. 

Helen: Yeah, yeah. I have that in common with you. The back of mine is quite dark.

Roanna: Yeah.

Helen: Big streaks down the front that are white. 

Roanna: Yeah, so you've got lovely long straight, yes. How often do you have yours cut? 

Helen: Oh, about every three months. 

Roanna: Oh, okay, yeah. You can eek it out, can't you? You can eek out the appointments I mean, just think how much money we've saved. 

Helen: I know. I used to go every four weeks and get the roots done.

Roanna: I mean, see to me it's not just the money. It's the time sitting in the salon chair.

Helen: Yeah, yeah. Which wasn't so bad before I started wearing glasses, because I would read a magazine or read a book. But then when I was having to wear glasses and having the bleach put on my hair, I didn't really want to have the bleach on the glasses.

Roanna:  I know what you mean. And then you think, oh, haven’t got contact lenses. And yeah, I remember that trying to get them things so you could see. Oh, blimey.

But I mean, it's interesting, isn't it? Because hairdressers have, I don't know if we're going to touch on this, but what a captive market they have, of women who want their roots done.

Helen: Yeah, I think it's quite interesting. My hairdresser says it's changing. So, he says, in the generation that's younger than us. They're not so bothered about it. Whereas I think in my generation, certainly when I was working, you kind of felt ashamed if you had roots. 

Roanna: You're saying the reality exactly, and I'm thinking of a friend who's just letting hers go, and it's going to be so freeing. She sent me a picture. It looks fab. I mean, she's quite a bit older than me. But isn't it interesting? And who knows if we look at, I don't know, 20 years on 30 years on how it will be. 

Helen: Hopefully it'll be, you can make your own choice and not feel bad about it. 

Roanna: Yes. And I remember being in my hairdresser, a guy that used to do my hair in Norwich when I lived in Norfolk, young guy, gorgeous. He was like in his late twenties, but he had made his hair like grey. Because he wanted that look, he wanted that funky grey look and he was like a young person. So, there is something beautiful about it. 

I follow, I'm sure you do, I follow a few grey hair accounts on Instagram and I've sometimes saved haircuts and things. Some of the ladies look lovely because, your skin tone changes, and I think it can be very flattering.

Helen: Yeah, if you let it go, your skin and your hair are kind of in harmony with each other. Whereas if you dye your hair, particularly if you dye it a very dark colour, it just becomes more and more obvious that it’s dyed. Because when you're younger, it can look pretty natural, but as your skin changes. 

Roanna: Yes. Totally. 

I adore clothes, fashion, and dressing up, and shoes, and everything, the whole thing. I was conscious that as well with my hair changing, how that would affect my wardrobe and maybe some colours and maybe adjust. 

One of the colours I wear really successfully now is that sort of neon Citrine colour. That bright. So, I wear that really nicely with sort of grey, and beige. It's a bit of a signature colour for me. So, that's just working really nicely with my grey and my skin tones. And maybe I wouldn't have worn that if I was blonde.

So, I've noticed that as well, thinking about the wardrobe change, from changing your colour. 

Helen: Okay, any other changes to the colours that you wear? 

Roanna: Well, I don't really wear,black. Doesn't really do much for me. I mean, unless I was just in a real evening outfit. I think I'm probably wearing a few more lighter colours.

I'm trying to simplify the wardrobe, the colours and the stuff. I mean, I live in smart trainers much more now, rather than any other type of shoe or boot or heel. But yeah, lighter colours potentially, I think. 

Helen: Would you say styles changed at all as well or not?

Roanna: My style's quite eclectic. I sort of mix vintage with new. It has evolved as I've slightly changed body shape and stuff. You know, wide legs, smart jeans and stuff like that. 

And with my business, when I'm touring with clients, I'm sort of starting to get the sort of comfortable signature looks I wear. When I'm touring with clients, we're basically in and out of the chauffeured car all day. And I'm leading, so it's sort of comfort, but looking a bit smart, and a bit country. You wouldn't be teetering around in heels clearly in the middle of the Cotswold. 

For me, for my business and my life, I like to have a recognizable look. You know, something that someone will remember you within the first 10 seconds. So, that colour is quite memorable when I wear that colour. 

Helen: So, you're definitely not looking to fade into the background with your grey hair? 

Roanna: Definitely not. No. I think I embraced it well. 

I think it must be quite tied up with how your mum was, how the messaging in your family was. I remember when my mother was poorly and she's not with us now, sadly.

When you're having, cancer treatment, you don't get your hair coloured, obviously. And then she was going grey, and I think, daddy really liked it, actually. So, I think we can get into that conditioning of, oh, keep colouring it, keep colouring it. 

Helen: Yeah. 

Roanna: We were talking off air before we came on. And I think it's interesting about why is it called like Silver Fox for men? What's the equivalent for ladies? 

Helen: Well, in the traditional stereotype, it would be you're letting yourself go if you've gone grey.

Roanna: Oh my God, you've just said it. You've just said it, and that is making my blood boil. 

We met via LinkedIn, but I can't remember if I've linked you to Susanna Hancock. Do you know about Susanna Hancock? 

Helen: I am linked to her, yes. 

Roanna: Ah, brilliant, because Not over, Not out. So, all of this speak that we're doing is very relevant to that whole story as well. But I, Found it empower, empowering. 

Helen: Yeah, a lot of people I speak to say it's empowering and they feel a lot freer, and a lot more accepting of themselves.

Roanna: Yes, acceptance. Yeah, good. Yeah. Oh, that's really positive. So doing this podcast has been generally for you positive. 

Helen: Yeah, almost everyone I've spoken to has had a positive experience. A few people have had an odd person who's been negative around them. But I haven't spoken to anyone who's kind of like, I'm going to dye again, I don't, I hate it.

Roanna: That's a really interesting point. Does anyone ever go back? 

Helen: I've had a couple of guests who, have gone back at different times. One of them, she went grey quite young. She had primary school children. And her child's friend basically called her a grandma on a school trip. And so, she, she then dyed again. 

Then another person who's from Indian heritage, who kind of was like, I just dyed it again so I didn't have the hassle. Because I knew I would get a lot when I went back to India.

Roanna: But the thing is, I thought that well, if I hate it and I regret it, I could have gone back. 

Helen: Yeah. And everyone says that. 

Roanna: Even if you cut all your hair off, you know, it's going to grow again. It's not a permanent fixture. Is it like, you know, having your teeth done, or whatever it is? So yeah, that's good. 

Helen: I'm going to ask you one last question. If someone came to you and said, I'm thinking about going grey, what advice would you have for them, or tips?   

Roanna: Find a good hairdresser that you're really comfortable with to work with you during the process, because it's going to be 12 to 18 months to like get there, so that they give you the backup. That would be my top tip. 

And the second tip would be embrace it. Oh, that's the thing I was going to say earlier, not just the empowering, it's embrace your grey. I remember my son saying to me, embrace the grey Mum, it looks fab. 

Helen: Be proud of it rather than hiding from it. 

Roanna: Yeah.  

Helen: Well, that's brilliant. Thanks so much for joining me. I've really enjoyed chatting to you and enjoy the rest of your day. 

Roanna: Thanks, Helen. It's been insightful.

Helen: Thanks so much for joining me for this week's show. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. I'll be back again next week, but in the meantime, you can follow me on Instagram at happier.grey. Have a great week.